I’ve been through both sad, difficult things as well as big changes in the past couple of months. I’m certain I'm not unique in this truth. And I’ve been doing some thinking about a couple of related things: a) how will I make it through and what new insight or wisdom will be awaiting me when I arrive and b) quality vs. quantity and what does that mean in life. So I thought I’d share a few thoughts on...
Why pain, difficulty and just straight-up change is like a giant strainer…
Bare with me here... As many of you who've worked with me, I'm big on metaphors :)
When we find our selves in a struggle, in a life change (big or small), in some dark shadow of difficulty or pain it’s important to remember that we’re being held not in a comfortable, soft bed, or an all-encompassing hand or hug. Nope. At least it doesn’t feel that way to me… I liken it more to being tossed into a giant metal strainer (with holes that vary depending on the change/pain/difficulty-level). A giant, ever-loving and all-knowing filter. It sure as heck is not comfortable to be there. It can feel hard and cold and lonely. In fact it can feel downright confusing. You may try to scramble up the slopes to reach your old normal. Frustrated as you slip down, again and again and again. You may cling to the side – if you could just hold on to THIS stage, and not drop all the way down, you think, you could manage here.
But if you can loosen your grip and drop down, just let yourself fall, you realize that when you get through it – in whatever way, shape, or form – and what you get through it with is the stuff that matters more, it’s the stuff you value most, your greatest supports. The rest has been filtered out. You end up, without even having to decide who and what and how, with quality over quantity.
So fear not change. Fear not difficulty. Fear not the letting go of what was because right on the other side of that is what is… your new normal – one that is more rich, more full, more supported. And don’t forget that there’s no standard timeline for this process… Slow down, watch for when you’re scrambling back towards what was, or trying to delay the fall. Take a deep breath. And another. Loosen your grip and let it be.
Downward and onward, my loves.